An Explanation

My last blog post was written about the television series You. At that point I was “on a roll” of sorts where I was posting rather frequently, had posts lined up and scheduled, and life was going smoothly.

I am still positive, and life is still going smoothly, don’t worry.

Life just has the tendency of getting in the way of things. I am uncertain on if I talked about my work life before or not, but I work three jobs. I am taking a total of 18 credits this semester and aligned my classes so that I go through my days without any breaks until my last class ends and I go home. Whenever classes schedule exams, some days I can have as many as two exams back to back, then another two on Wednesday, followed by another one on Friday. If I wasn’t dealing with exams I was dealing with homework and if I wasn’t dealing with homework, then I was working or dancing. Just in the past week we had a death in the family. Due to my mental health, it brought up a lot of bad feelings to be back in the funeral home again.

Life can be very exhausting at points but in the words of one of my favorite characters in literacy, “Life doesn’t slow down for anybody.”

Over the past few days I have been feeling the desire to write again – and to keep at it. I know it has been said by me before.

Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a writer. If I could have one wish that would be granted – that would be it. As an adult now, I still would love to be a writer I just need to make time to do so.

This isn’t a blog post to fill up my page with excuses, it is just an answer as to where I have been the past few weeks.

Expect more content from me soon.

The Art of Losing Yourself

Who are we, really?

This is the existential question that I feel many of us put ourselves through and ask ourselves a lot of the time, especially now that it is a new year, and we are forced to live with the “new year, new me” mentality.

By the age of 18, you are generally supposed to know what is going on in your life. At that point, a large majority of us go to college, have somewhat of a steady job, know what we like, what we don’t like, what company we like to keep, and so on.  We at this point are solid enough in our foundations to know our core values and what we expect to give and receive in the relationships that surround us.

We are still vulnerable to losing ourselves at this point.

We are not expected to keep our friends that we had in high school and eventually we are expected to move on from our part time job that we worked at for so long. By the age of 18, most of us are graduated and headed off to college where we will meet new people and have a whole sea of new opportunities. Some of us find ourselves in our first serious relationships, and sometimes those relationships last forever or they abruptly come to an end. The people that you once considered your best friends are now strangers, and sometimes you look at the company that you are choosing to keep and know that something isn’t right.

You begin to feel as though you lost the person you once knew, that person being yourself.

It is as though you fell asleep and whenever you wake up – you are a completely different human in a foreign body that does not belong to you. You begin to ask yourself – Who am I really? What happened to the person that I used to be?

It is okay to lose yourself.

It is okay to forget who you are. It is okay to think about the personality you used to be in high school and forget what it feels like to be that person.

It is okay to look at yourself before you were in a relationship and forget what it feels like to be strong and independent – to not rely on anyone but yourself.

It is okay to look and not like the person you have become. Maybe you used to be a kind and respectful person, only to realize you lost those traits somewhere along the way.

The art of losing yourself is a beautiful one because once you find yourself again you feel more alive and empowered than you ever did before.

The art of losing yourself does not mean the person you once knew is gone forever, they just need to be found and awoken again from their distant slumber.

All things that are lost are eventually found again. You just have to fight to find it, and you will – with time.